Broken
by Di12381
Summary: Edward's thoughts after the fire, set to the song Broken by Seether and Amy Lee.


-Broken-By Seether and Amy Lee

-Of course, I do not own any of these characters, nor do I own this song.

-Thank you to Tracey for beta reading for me.

-Reviews are always welcome

Broken

Edward Fairfax Rochester sat in his room in Ferndean, a broken man. He had lost everything. Thornfield was gone, destroyed by the fire set by his mad wife, Bertha. His sight was gone, his eyes marred by the fire.

But that was not the worst of his heartache. His Jane, his faerie, his muse was gone. He knew why she had to leave; it was his own actions that caused her to flee. He knew his behavior had been deplorable and hurtful, but he loved her too much to allow the truths of his past to ruin her future. He was driven to ensure that his secret shame would never be revealed. But like all truths, they come out eventually.

Their acquaintance had been less than a year, but in that short time, his attitude had shifted from dark and moody to hopeful. He hoped that the peace he coveted would reawaken in the future he imagined for himself with her by his side.

_I wanted you to know I love the way you laugh_

He had seen her smile, the warmth emanating out her brown eyes. It melted him the coat of indifference in which he wrapped himself in all of those years ago.

_I wanna hold you high and steal your pain away_

She had told him of her experiences at Lowood and the treatment she had received while living at Gateshead. He wanted to make the years of mistreatment and pain disappear, to give her the life and the love that she deserved.

_I keep your photograph; I know it serves me well  
_

She protested his purchase of gowns for her, but he knew they would put a smile on her face. On the day of their wedding, glowing in the white gown, the nervous smile on her face gave away her true emotions. That image would haunt him for the rest of his life. It was the day he destroyed her innocence and his own chance for redemption. He had expected misfortune to arrive in some form or fashion as that was his punishment for his mistakes. But innocence and hope, qualities, so rarely found in his jaded life, indeed in this ever evolving world, he knew could never be restored or replaced.

_I wanna hold you high and steal your pain  
_

He yearned to see her smile again; the way she responded to his kisses overwhelmed his senses. He wanted to assure that his heart was hers and hers alone. But the lies had robbed him of so much in his 37 years, now they had taken his one chance at real happiness.

_  
'Cause I'm broken when I'm open  
And I don't feel like I am strong enough  
'Cause I'm broken when I'm lonesome  
And I don't feel light when you're gone away_

He needed her warmth, her honesty and counsel in all matters. Without those, his life felt useless and empty. Once again, he returned to the sullen and bitter man he'd become so long ago. He realized that he had not true conception of love until he met her. She had brought love and laughter to him, feelings he had not felt in many years. But with that came the yearning to protect her at the expense of anything or anyone, himself included. _  
_

Closing his eyes, he dreamed that she was walking through the door.

"Edward?" she asked, her voice filling the room and his heart.

"Jane?" he reached for her in the darkness.

"Here" her fingers caressed his face as he pulled her into the seat. The darkness disappeared as he reveled in her warm caress. His heart, he once thought dead, began to beat again the way she so eagerly responded to his kisses._  
_

_The worst is over now and we can breathe again  
I wanna hold you high, you steal my pain away  
There's so much left to learn, and no one left to fight  
I wanna hold you high and steal your pain_

"Jane, I…" there were no words to explain the guilt he felt.

"Hush Edward, all is forgiven".

She kissed him again and he forgot the past, only knowing that the one thing he wanted in life was next to him.

'Cause I'm broken when I'm open  
And I don't feel like I am strong enough  
'Cause I'm broken when I'm lonesome  
And I don't feel right when you're gone away

Opening his eyes, he hoped that she was there. But she wasn't and he was alone.

_  
'Cause I'm broken when I'm open  
And I don't feel like I am strong enough  
'Cause I'm broken when I'm lonesome  
And I don't feel light when you're gone away_


End file.
